DAUGHTER WITH LOVE: It’s a cold morning. I had a restless night. A night fraught with dreams, a night spun with memories. I reached out to check on you so many times, for your steady breathing as you held on to me. The way you slept in my arms the first day you came to me, the way you sleep every night. My bundle of joy, my success story, my dreams, my trial and maybe one day my triumph. Yes you are the reason for my tears and for my smiles. Yes it is a cold morning, cold not from the foggy morning but from the dread of what may come. But now is not the time to dwell on it. It is time to rise and hopefully shine. It is time to dream and help you fulfill those dreams. It is a cold morning perhaps, but you are special and so as I get out of bed I must dispel the gloom.
It was a morning like this that you came to me, fair, squirming, crying for attention. As I potter with my morning cuppa your smile swathes me in its warmth, your mischief makes me smile within. It was only yesterday that you were running around the corridor wearing a dhoti, my princess looking like prince charming. Wasn’t it just yesterday when you went to school and when your teacher told you to write your numbers 1 to 20 you wrote 1 2 and 20. Didn’t we all laugh at your mischief? How wonderful it is to have you hanging from the neck of your Dada with peals of laughter, cajoling him in your own way for chocolates and a ride on his shoulders, or just to put make up on him. Yes you are the warmth of our lives. Every step you take reaffirms our belief in you. Every song you sing rouses us to strive more with you. Every swatch of colour from your brush is an expression of a dream woven with you round you. My baby my dream my princess, you bring meaning to us.
The coffee is scalding, just the way they served in the hospital. The endless cups that sustained us as we peered through the glass into your incubator, willing to see you get better as we looked, only to see you racked with a convulsion, your tiny body in the throes of horrific pain I am sure. I always find the sky like this just after your convulsions, splashed, or may be it’s just the tears in my eyes. Every morning when you get up my heart beats fast afraid, my guts flutter anxious, will it be a day of sunshine or is it going to be one of gloom. Will it be a day when the clouds in your brain overwhelm the sunshine of your smile? Will it be a day when you will cling to me not recognizing me, and I will hug you helpless to ease your confusion. Will it be a day when yo r angel voice will be muted of all songs, and a non verbal plea for help will be all that will emanate from you. Is it a day when your colour swatches won’t make sense and will mirror the confusion of your mind? Yes you are my trial, my tears, and my pain.
Ahh the clouds are breaking. Just as your smile sometimes does break through the clouds that try to devour your mind and dispels every fear we have. My hero fighting away the beasts you love to read about in your story books. I pray for those days every morning when I wake up.
Hush! Are you waking up? Why is it that you are looking at me so vaguely? No please don’t fall asleep again. Please don’t let the beasts get the better of you. Fight my princess. Rise, raise your Excalibur, and pierce it in the beasts. Let that twitch not be a convulsion developing, a twitch that heralds your fall into gloom. Rise my love, conquer your gloom and run to me. Rise for your smile is my success, your songs my victory. Rise with me for together we will fight the beasts. Together we will slay it forever. And then you jump. A merry leap for your Dada’s neck! ‘Tis not a day for gloom for you have won this day. Tis a day of living the dream for you are Special, for you are my success.
BY SOUMYASHREE CHATTERJEE
