It is hard when you find yourself in winter for the first time, it seems to be a fairytale, the one that is breathtaking and of unbelievable beauty, but the one that destroys you and takes into many and many small pieces. Though it was not winter, it was winter for me. People think that such winters should have a happy ending, but the main thing about winter, is not having a happy ending, but just being a real one. Fortunately, I have been lucky enough to experience a real winter. Thus, sometimes we ourselves create such winters and one of those winters I wrote myself.
It chanced when I passed by an odd winter garden, as I did every day, and every time that I passed by the garden seemed to smile at me, it was a secret smile, that I could not figure out. All that I knew was that I had been familiar with the garden all my life, but yet it was a strange one for me. I knew how to get the key of the garden, so having the key, I opened the gates. They were all in all covered with red roses and every time that I touched them the needles thrilled me and caused huge pain, but I still liked them because I had never seen such bright roses in my life. I started to take care of the garden, it was the best company I had ever had. Although it was pouring with snow, I could feel the unbroken sunshine in my soul. The thick clouds were covering the sky, but I was still soaking up the sunshine. There was a hard frost but the snow was crisp and lovely. The wind was whistling through roses, trees and I could understand the whistling better than anything. It sounded like Vivaldi’s four season, so I took to going there, because I had been sure that no matter how severe the winter could have been, it would never be.
However, once when I stepped into the garden, a sudden freezing storm started. I had never experienced such torrential snow and that was the first time that I felt no ray of the sun inside. It frightened me. I felt an unbelievable pain, because a sharp icicle falls on me and left its part in me. I became angry with winter. From that point on whenever I passed by the garden, the small piece of the icicle let me knew about itself. I could no more visit it the way I did and I noticed that the garden had also changed. The storm did its job. There were thick clouds all over the sky, roses and trees dried up and looked dead and no matter how hard I tried doing my best to bring everything in its position, the yard was probably offended. The crispy snow turned into dark slash, and every half hour I looked at the sky hoping for a break in the clouds, but all was in vain. I was worried sick. The cruel cold filled my eyes with tears, I started to think whether I could bear the winter, with such freaking conditions or no, But I thought it would never happen again. Unfortunately, a few times, I had dealt with such thunderstorms again, I became bitterly disappointed, but every time I wanted to leave the garden, it convinced me to stay. I was not sure, because my heart wanted to stay, but the brain was in search of summer. In fact, the yard was not the one to swallow anything. So in a most unexpected moment it opened the gates as widely as it never did, and let me go.
When I was about to leave it, I took my last glance at the garden, it was covered with dust, that looked like tears. It could mean a thing, but I didn’t pay attention to it, because I was too confused, I could not even swallow my pride to look back, we were not playing a game, I had already made my choice, and I was responsible for it. The garden gave me the freedom that I so much desired for. That was a big and soft sign. Thus, after leaving it, I could not find my place but It seemed that I was happy with the occasion, I thought I could get used to another life too. For sure, I did, but the part of the icicle that the winter left in me, is the reason why I cannot open the gates of new gardens, even spring or summer ones. The peace of the icicle speaks for winter. Even if I enter more beautiful, fascinating, calm or full of wonders garden someday, it will not work. I well realize that the way I felt there, I will never feel again. I can feel better or worse, but never the same again.
To make a long story short, every time I pass by the winter garden now, I can clearly see that I still have a special place in it. To be frank, it never interested me, whether there is someone in the garden now or no, I just want the winter garden feel the best, because it let me feel when it let me go. It also gave me a huge book full of useful lessons, valuable morals, breathtaking impressions and the brightest memories ever. I will open the book, turn the pages of it and show them to my grandchildren. It will be somewhere in future but for now, the only thing that I have to say to the winter garden is that I am thankful for bringing me blissful happiness for a period of time and for being the most beautiful winter garden of mine.
BY ANI MKRTCHYAN
