India stood shocked. India stood ashamed. India took to the streets. Nirbhaya was violated and left to die. Candlelight vigils, outrage and remembrance of the braveheart continued for days. The hyenas were indeed needed to be bridled. We all remember her. But do we remember Syed Makhdoom? Yes he was a man and so not violated off the body, but he was equally brutalized. Yes he was not killed by the hands of his violators, but his suicide was as much an act perpetrated in cold blood. Why is he forgotten? Why are the violations of so many men using tools which are legally prescribed not condoned? When a wife falsely implicates a husband and his family under the aegis of various legalities. How different is it then from the honour violation of a woman by a khap panchayat. These are probably brushed under the carpet because we do not want to accept that a hyena doesn’t have a gender. We do not want to accept that a man can be equally victimized. It is fashionable, it is convenient to believe that a man is the aggressor and oppressor and a woman the victim, and the reverse cannot happen.
Violated
The violation of a man may not be of body, but when his mind is violated, his self respect crushed, he is as much broken as a woman who is violated of her body. When a woman is violated, it is seldom about lust and always about proving a point to someone, the woman being violated, her family members or society. When a man is violated under section 498a, it is his wife who violates him, and it is a statement to him, a point is being made to the man. The relationship of a husband and wife is probably the most important relationship in society. A good marriage helps both partners to grow individually drawing comfort from the other in health wealth joy penury sickness and misery alike. But when this breaks down it is anyways a suffering at least on one part. The legal ramifications of divorce however make it compulsorily an uphill task for the man. Imagine a man already stressed with having to cope with the emotional aspects of estrangement and divorce, a man already trying to cope with the stigma associated with divorce in society. On this is added the travails of section 498a. He may find his 60+ year old widowed mother brought to the police station, he may find his sick niece brought to the police station. All of this, because it is the “right” of his wife to file a police complaint under section 498a, and the police will take cognizance of such a complaint. If his mother has a heart attack from this emotional turmoil, will his wife be brought to court on charges? If his niece is scarred from the trauma, will his wife be taken to task? Is this horror not a violation of the man? She will not be for it is her “right”.
Silence
We hear that a woman when violated bears her shame in silence. It is no different for a man. When a man sees his marriage breaking down, realizes that he needs to file for divorce, he still stays silent. He stays silent out of fear of his violation through the use of the law of the land. He fears that he will be penalized, his loved ones will be penalized, and all that he has worked hard to make will be shattered and claimed. He keeps quiet in fear of violation, and when it is too much and he speaks up he IS violated. There are instances of men having approached the police to seek protection from their wives by staying in the lockup, can such a man be a perpetrator of domestic violence. There are instances of 2 year and 4 year olds being brought to police station, because they were named in the complaint. A working woman seeks maintenance from her husband, because it’s her right, forgetting that she is working today after marriage, because she came to a decision to be able to work in conjunction with her husband. Would a working woman be directed to pay alimony to her husband, if it were proven that she earns more than the husband. A man faces these challenges and foregoes his self respect to prevent this violation. Some can’t take it anymore and try to break free, and they are violated.
Tears of a Man
The judicial system has laws to protect the oppressed. But today a law like 498a is becoming a tool of oppression in itself. True there are so many men who are oppressing women, but isn’t it equally true that every man wronged by the misuse of this law is a travesty of justice in itself, that there are hyenas in the guise of women.Hyenas that do not violate the body, but equally oppress and play the power games as much as any other oppressor does. Oppression is a power game and driven by conscience, and isn’t guided by color caste or gender.They are in everyone. For every candle lit for Nirbhaya’s violation, do light one for Makhdum, for all those men who are violated but are not known, but more importantly for all those men who are silent in fear off this violation. Men do cry.
BY SOUMYASHREE CHATTERJEE
