Epiphany in an UBER-II(Seema)
Gurugram, of real estate and IT, of spiraling office complexes and lavish apartments, Gurugram is known to many as Gurgaon, nestled on the crook of Delhi, is a city of fast pace lush greens work hard party harder culture. The lifeline of this city, integral in the National Capital Region, has been the cabs plying the yuppie crowd to their office and back. As they spill out to live their life high on their undefeatable attitude the metro plying from HUDA city center and snaking into Delhi used to be their means to connect. In recent years the cab-hailing service providers have come like manna from heaven for this populace wanting to live every moment on the fast lane. Uber or OLA rides makes for strange acquaintances, interesting stories sometimes difficult but often life-saving experiences. I have had moments in these cabs, moments that have led me to believe in humanity, moments that have led me to despair at the obtuseness of my fellow citizens, of amazement at the pettiness of some yet large-heartedness of others.
It was a ride from Sohna Road in Gurgaon to the airport to catch a late night back to the City of Joy. The mind was salivating on the fishy fare waiting at home, Shreya Ghoshal was crooning about mastani going deewani, and getting into a good head space I found out my driver Shankar Jha from Chapra Bihar was getting ready to go home to get his elder daughter married off. Being neighbors from east I was happy at his good fortune. Shankar Babu was the proud father of 2 boys and 3 girls and was beaming at the prospect of his Seema getting married off. The only worry was that the boys would be missing school and they were truant. To my question as to wither the daughters were more diligent at not being affected by missing school, Shankar was dumbfounded. The daughters didn’t go to school.
This is India, a nation whose mythology talks about the Mahabharat fought for the honor of Draupadi, yet when she was dishonored no one stood up. This is India, where the daughter is worshipped as a goddess during Kumari Puja, yet murdered in the womb. This is India, where our first teachers, the ones who teach us the basics of life, the values of life,- our mothers do not go to school. This is India where a Shankar sends His daughter with pride to get married away but not to school. I was suitably aghast by the turn of events and tried to reason with him. Shankar was unequivocal that his daughters didn’t need an education, but were more needed to keep the abru-the honor intact. He was happy his girls were good diligent and would not make him suffer ignominy. Not like his neighbor whose daughter had eloped with a boy of a different caste and the neighbor had to keep his honor by killing the daughter and the boy with his own hands and strewn the pieces in the river.
As I near barfed my yet to be had fish dinner at the prospect of a daughter being kill and strewn in the river for loving a boy, Shankar was nonplussed, honor mattered in the heartland of India after all. He would be excommunicated in the village if the honor was not restored. I tried to reason that how could his honor be at stake for an act of love. I tried to reason that his daughter deserved as much a chance to read, to dream and fly as his sons. Shankar was aghast how the dreams of a son could be equated to that of a daughter. The daughter was celebrated as Lakshmi after all, in the father’s house till her marriage and then in her husbands’. THAT was her dream to be cared as the Lakshmi of the house she would be wedded into. And Shankar would do good to make that true, he would break his back to give the best dowry to each of his daughters. He would do his best to make that dream come true, how was a school necessary in this scheme of things. Lakshmi- the goddess of prosperity was the honor of the house and hence it was important that she conducts herself honorably. His daughter would do good as she made her name, Seema-Limitations, hold good. What came through from Shankar was that he loved his daughter and wanted her happy, but his perception of happiness for his daughter was set by the expectations of the society for Seema. Seema’s identity or her desires to shape that happiness would hold no good. This was not on account of Shankar, or his inability to fathom his daughter’s desires, but on account of the society demanding it off him. Shankar was proud of his son going to school an doing good as was he of Seema doing good in her matrimonial home. This was a role that had been indoctrinated into Shankar as much into Seema.
As I waited in the lounge for my flight thinking on my uber ride, I did realize that Shankar and Seema were entrapped in the merry dance of society’s demands on us. Just as the fidayeen of the jihadis are indoctrinated into laying down their life for whichever cause they have espoused, there was indoctrination here over years of patriarchy. Seema had been indoctrinated from her birth, maybe even before that to dream dreams that were in the color society demanded of her. Shankar on the other hand also been indoctrinated to the belief the offsprings of his loins were not equal, that they were entitled to different privileges, to different dreams based on their gender. Seema I realized was one Mastani whose deewangi was trained not to raise her head. Uber rides are indeed eye-openers.
