Marriages are made in heaven…..an adage that our parents have believed and maybe ensured through thick and thin. But in today’s world while some marriages rock on to eternity some just fall on the rocks. Is there any key towards a successful marriage? Is there any solution thingamajig that can make a marriage work, or its absence fail it?
One of the key essences of making a marriage work probably is an understanding. The primary understanding in a marriage to make it successful is that it is a partnership, and like all partnerships, the partners are different characters. To make the partnership work the partners have to complement each other. To complement each other the partners need to identify each other strengths and weaknesses. For this entire process flow to be successful the most important thing is for each partner to be committed to the relationship and mature enough to be able to identify the actionable needed to improve. Unlike a business partnership which is bounded to primarily business hours, in a marriage partnership one has no option of recusal, and is a 24x7x365 till death do us part commitment.
People often suggest that successful marriages are those where the partners make an early realization that adjustments and compromises are not sacrifices, but are the lubrication which lowers friction and ensures longevity. They also suggest that an early realization of how each may fit with each others as two cogs of a gear also ensures that the partners settle in with each other that much easily and comfortably
Discord is a reality of life, just like when two pots are placed together in a moving vehicle will bang against each other, two individuals thrown into a rolling vehicle that life is will obviously bump into each other. But just as the vehicle goes on and they settle into place, so also the individuals may settle into each other. If there is love from a time before the marriage this is easier, if the love is to be found after marriage has been solemnized, there is greater patience that is required. Thus patience is a key to be able to overcome in daily discord in a marriage. If the individuals are professionals, it is often good if they bring in their problem solving skills to resolve the hiccup in an objective manner. Operative words being, objective resolution, and identifying the problem a hiccup or hurdle not a deterrent or obstacle to happiness.
But what makes it worthwhile in holding your patience, in understanding, in realizing that adjustments are lubricants and not sacrifices. When a couple have journeyed their greater share of life together, with more laughter than tears to show, when the tears are more of longing and distraught without the other, of realizations of failures towards the other rather than of accusation, betrayal or suffocation from the others lack of understanding. That is when they realize that it was worthwhile. For then they would have found love whether before marriage or after, but more importantly they would have rediscovered it a million times over in small successes and failures, in the health of each other or from the care of one to the other in sickness.
Dreams have fuelled many a success story, and for marriage also to be successful sharing of dreams and the joy of realizing those dreams, big or small work as a cement in marriage. A new home, a vacation, dreams for your children, for yourself when you retire, for when you will have tie only for yourself, big dreams, small dreams all add up. And when ones dream flickers and in that moment of desolation, see the same dream burn bright in the other’s eyes, that is when one feels fulfilled and finds the energy to sustain. This is sharing
Marriage is about sharing, sharing of a house, sharing of ideas, sharing of dreams of promises, sharing of a bed and even ones bodies. Sharing of the joys of time spent together, of love found in each other, of love lost from people loved, of successes together and individually. Sharing of the pain of failure, of body, of grief and loneliness, of dreams that were dreamt and shattered, of betrayal, and forgiveness.
Even the best of partners hurt each other. There is only one thing that works than asking of forgiveness, and forgivance from the one who is hurt. A realization that just as I hurt from your actions today, so may you hurt from mine tomorrow easily puts things in perspective and make forgiving and asking for it that much easier.
Life is a celebration and its worth that much more when the celebration is with someone special. You may find your soul mate and marry him/her or marry and find your soul mate in him/her. Either ways it’s a hell of a roller coaster with its share of highs and lows. So understand and compliment, fight and forgive, love and find more reasons to love, dream and fulfill them and when they shatter and prick your eyes, hug console and pick off the shards from each other eyes. So celebrate each other, strengthen each other, gift one another, make love to each other, watch the sun rise and set together….and rejoice for you have the keys to marriage- you, your understanding, your love however found but ever renewed …….and your marriage.
